I laughed from my spot at the stove. I was finishing putting the lasagna together that Casey had started cooking while Zac and I weren't paying attention. We'd pushed her out of the kitchen, telling her to go do something else and we'd finish dinner. We hadn't been busy in the kitchen very long when we heard the rumbling of the vacuum cleaner start up. Zac was the first to drop what he was doing and leave the kitchen in an attempt to stop her from cleaning.
"It's like, we have to keep an eye on her every second of the day," he continued mumbling as he cut up cucumbers for the salad.
"That's Casey for you," I agreed, sprinkling shredded cheese on top of the layered pasta..
"Not something you need to tell me," he quipped.
The conversation that I had with Casey a couple days ago was suddenly fresh in my memory. The things that she'd told me that I hadn't already known. I still wondered if Zac had known about her mom's death, though I wasn't sure what significance there would be if he had known. It was likely there was a whole book of stuff about Casey that he, and only he, knew. Part of me wanted to bring it up with Zac, and part of me didn't.
I knew it wouldn't solve anything. I guess I was just still trying to grasp the fact that there were things about her I didn't know, even though we had once been close as well. Nothing like what she and Zac had been, but we were close nonetheless. Understandably, she didn't come to me with everything, but there were a lot of late night talks. A lot of morning walks. There were a lot of fights and 'breakups' with her and Zac. I was always the one she came to. And in a way, I kind of missed those days.
I put the uncooked lasagna in the oven and turned to my brother. "Do you know how her mom died?" I asked without further hesitation.
He nodded as he added things to the large bowl of salad in front of him. "She died in a car accident." He said it as if it was his own kind of automatic response.
"I know that. Everyone knows that much. But I mean...do you know how it happened?"
"Yea," he replied, his mood solemn and refrained. "But it's not really my place to talk about it..."
"Oh, I know. I was just wondering if you knew, because she told me the other day. And I'm just amazed at how much I still don't know about her."
He nodded, his mind seemingly far away. "There's a lot that no one knows about her. She's like a puzzle."
"Are you okay with this situation?" I asked him, wanting to be sure. I knew there was a lot of baggage between them. I knew a lot of tears had been shed, and I knew that neither of them could forget the past.
"With Casey being here?" He asked, pausing his actions long enough to look at me.
"Yea. I mean...it all happened so quickly. And I know after she left..."
"I'm fine with it." He didn't sound so positive. His attention quickly went back to preparing the salad.
"I know it probably brings up bad memories, but..."
"Ike, it's fine. If I don't dwell on it, then it won't hurt as bad."
I wanted to respond, but I wasn't sure how. A few moments later Chris came in carrying an old worn out teddy bear. There were bare patches in the most random places and there was a hole in the seam of the foot. It was also missing an eye and some of the thread that had made up the nose was unraveling. He'd been carrying it around for a few days now. I assumed Casey had just pulled it out of one of their bags.
"What's your mom doing?" I asked him.
He shrugged.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
He shrugged again.
"Not talking to me?"
"It's okay," Zac jumped in. "You don't have to talk to him. Sometimes I don't want to talk to him either."
"Okay," Chris finally spoke.
"Cute," I said dryly in reference to his lack of words for me. I turned to rinse off some of the dishes that I'd used and stuck them in the dishwasher while Zac maintained a conversation with Chris. He was asking him the most random questions, but Chris seemed to be entertained.
"Spongebob or Patrick?" Zac asked him as he finished up the salad and put it in the fridge.
"Patrick."
"Really?" Zac asked him. I could just see, without even looking, the crunch of his nose as he sat down at the table across from Chris. "I like Mr. Crabs best. Not enough people like him. Isaac, who's your favorite?"
"Um...Spongebob," I responded. I'd seen the show a couple times, but never paid enough attention to be familiar with any of the other characters. Zac nodded at my answer before continuing the questions.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I finished loading the dishwasher and sat down at the table with Zac and Christian.
"Fireman," Chris answered hesitantly.
"Are you sure?" Zac asked him.
He just nodded.
"Okay. What's your favorite cartoon? Other than Spongebob."
"Scooby Doo."
"Scooby Dooby Doo," I imitated the cartoon character. Chris laughed and Zac just rolled his eyes at me.
"What's your middle name?" Zac asked, furthering the Q & A session.
"Walker," Chris responded immediately. I nearly laughed at the look on Zac's face.
He covered his surprise quickly. "Really? Mine too!"
Chris smiled, baring his gap teeth.
"What's your mom doing?" Zac asked one last question.
"I dunno," he shrugged.
"Why don't you go see what your mom is up to? Make sure she's not cleaning anything."
Chris jumped up and left the kitchen, hollering for Casey.
"Looks like he was excited to get away from your questions," I joked. When he didn't say anything I looked at him. His face was distant.
"Zac? What's wrong?"
He shook his head, dismissing my question. "I'm going to go out for a little bit. I'll be back before dinner."
I sighed to myself as I watched him get up and walk away. I didn't know what to do. We couldn't turn Casey away. I knew Zac would agree. But I knew that Zac wasn't going to be able to take her presence with a grain of salt, no matter how hard he tried. It took him five years to get to this point, and then she comes crashing back into our lives.