“Casey?” I asked, astonished at the very pregnant woman standing across from me as I opened the door. She had a couple bags in one hand, and a little boy’s hand in the other. The child hid behind her leg upon hearing my voice. Her hair was disheveled, and there were dark bags under her eyes. “Come in,” I urged once I had my train of thought back. I took the bags from her hands and put them on the floor beside the door as she slowly stepped in. I couldn’t help but notice how bad she looked.
“I just…didn’t know where to go,” she said apologetically. She avoided making eye contact, which was so unlike her. “I went to Taylor’s first but…” she looked up and saw Taylor standing behind me. “But he’s here,” she finished, offering a watery smile. She let out a shaky breath. I could tell she was about to cry. “I’m sorry,” she apologized, running her free hand through her hair.
“Hey,” I said, pulling her into a hug, “I’m glad you're here.” I knelt down to the little boy and grinned. He hid his face a little behind Casey’s leg. “What’s your name?” I asked him, trying to make him feel more comfortable around us.
“Christian,” he told me softly.
“Well Christian, I’m glad you came too.” I smiled at him and he smiled back warily. “I’m Isaac, and behind me is Taylor.”
"Hey," Taylor greeted quietly. I could only imagine that he was as confused as I was.
“Say hi,” Casey urged him calmly.
“Hi,” he whispered, still unsure of what was going on. Hell, I didn’t even know what was going on. I stood back up and wrapped an arm around Casey’s shoulders.
“Do you want some coffee?” I asked. Taylor wordlessly went back into the kitchen. I followed his lead with Casey and Christian by my side.
“I shouldn’t,” she sighed, putting a hand on her protruding stomach. “I’m not thirsty anyway.” “What about you?” I asked Christian. “Want something to drink?”
He silently shook his head, and clung to Casey.
As soon as we walked into the kitchen, Ezra caught Casey's eye. I watched as her eyes widen with surprise. She hadn't seen him since he was very young. He was unmistakably a spawn of Taylor though, so she could tell right off the bat that it was him. Especially when they were sitting side by side as they were at that moment.
"Casey," Natalie said with unmasked shock in her voice, pulling Casey's attention away from Ezra.
"Hey," she said as Natalie stood up to give her a hug.
"You're pregnant," she observed looking down at Casey's stomach as they pulled away. "And in New York," she added, still surprised.
"You're gonna have a baby?" Ezra asked. He always got excited at the prospect of new babies. Ever since his aunt Jessica had, had one, he kept asking Natalie and Taylor when they were going to have one. As far as I knew, the answer was always "eventually."
"Yea," she answered his question.
"When?" Was his next question.
"In about six weeks," she smiled.
"Cool."
"You probably don't remember Casey, do you?" Taylor asked his son.
Ezra shook his head. "But I know who she is," he said, looking directly at Taylor.
“Hey Ezra," I cut in, motioning towards the little boy still clinging to Casey. "This is Christian.” I watched Case as she coaxed Christian out from behind her with a reassuring smile on his face.
"That's Ezra," she said to him. "You're just about the same age." Her voice was calm and comforting, just as it had always been. Just as I had remembered it to be.
“Hi,” the two boys said simultaneously, though their enthusiasm was at two very different levels. Ezra wasn't shy in the least. I assume he got that from the crazy life he had been born into. That or he just got it from Taylor. Christian on the other hand, clung tightly to his mother.
“Why don’t you two go play in the living room while we talk?” Taylor suggested.
“Okay,” Ezra smiled, quickly getting up out of his chair. Christian didn’t look as excited about it. He looked at Casey with saddened eyes.
“Go ahead,” she encouraged him. “I’ll be right in here if you need anything.” He continued looking at her and didn’t move. “Go,” she said more firmly. “Ezra’s friendly. Aren’t you Ez?”
“Yea,” he grinned. “You wanna see my new toy?”
Christian nodded and reluctantly allowed Ezra to lead him, by hand, into the living room.
“Don’t get too rowdy,” Natalie called after them.
“He’s shy,” Casey sighed, taking a seat by Natalie at the table. I took the empty chair between Casey and Taylor. Natalie was directly across from me.
“Have you guys eaten?” I asked first.
“Yea, we went to McDonald’s earlier.”
“Would you like some real food?” Taylor questioned.
“No, we’re okay,” she answered.
"What brings you here?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.
“I didn’t know where else to go,” she said sadly. I could almost see her physically fighting back the tears. Natalie reached over to rub her shoulder for comfort. “I mean, I know I shouldn’t have come here…”
“Hey,” Taylor cut her off, “you’re always welcome.”
“I just feel bad about it. I haven’t talked to you guys very much in forever, and then one day I just show up. Like this for that matter.”
“Is something wrong?” Natalie questioned. "What's going on?"
“Where do I start?” She laughed in spite of herself.
“At the beginning,” I offered.
“Well,” she sighed, “I guess everything went downhill when I left Tulsa and went back home. I was at college, in a dorm." She smiled in thought. "Exciting...the life of a college student. It wasn’t easy, but it was life. I was doing my best to concentrate on school, spending time with my family, and getting Zac out of my mind.” She paused to gather her thoughts and everyone remained silent.
“That’s why I didn’t call much, you know? Everything reminded me of Zac, and I was trying so hard to get past him. I just wanted something new, and I wanted it to come easy.”
“It wasn’t easy for him either, you know. No matter what he says, everyone could see it,” Taylor told her. He wasn't lying. Zac spent months trying to get her out of his head.
“Yea, but he had people around him. He had you guys. He had people to take his mind off me. I had no one. And I did some things I'm really not proud of.” She took in a deep breath. “That’s where Mike came in though.”
“Mike?” I asked. The named sounded familiar, but I couldn't quite remember.
“Yea, my boyfriend,” she answered. I vaguely remembered hearing about him shortly after she'd left Tulsa. “Or should I say ex-boyfriend? He lived across town in a small two bedroom apartment. He was a really sweet guy.” She paused momentarily. "We met at a party that I went to."
This grabbed my attention. Casey had never been much of a partier. In fact, we were always trying to get her to go out a little bit, and she never wanted to.
"It wasn't anything too major. I drank a little, smoked a little,” she laughed a little. “Or maybe it was a lot because the next morning I had the hangover of the century."
"You got drunk?" I asked, surprised that it had, in fact, been the exact type of party she always avoided. And the fact that she drank enough to get drunk was just hard to believe.
She nodded her confirmation. "Mike didn't drink at all though, so he helped me get home.
" "Please tell me you didn't just meet him at the party and let him take you home drunk," Natalie interrupted, sounding worried.
Casey smiled sheepishly. "I'd seen him around campus a few times. He wasn't a student though, he just had some friends on campus, so he was always hanging around."
"Casey, that's dangerous!" Taylor scolded her.
"I know, but I was drunk and it never really crossed my mind. He was so good to me. He took care of me that night and the next morning. And we became really good friends. He was my first real good friend since I came back from Oklahoma actually."
"That doesn't make it less dangerous," I said, grateful that nothing bad had happened.
"I know. But it wasn't long after I'd left Tulsa, and I was still all 'fuck the world.' You know? But then I met him and he changed me. We got really close and I ended up pregnant, so I moved in with him in his apartment. Even though money was a little tight, everything was great and we were happy." Casey stopped and stared at her hands resting on the table. From the living room I could hear Christian and Ezra laughing and playing. Casey must have heard it too, because as soon as Christian let out a laugh, she grinned.
“After Chris was born,” she started back up again, “things got worse. Mike started drinking and he got mean. My life with Mike reminded me so much of what my mom had to put up with my dad. And I started getting depressed because I didn't want Chris to have to go through the things I had to go through. You know? I don't want him to have to learn things the way I learned them. I thought about leaving, but he made so many threats. He threatened to kill me and then Chris. And really I didn't know where to go anyway. But then I got pregnant a second time...”
“You had sex with a bastard like that?” We all looked up, shocked at the voice. Zac was standing in the doorway looking pissed off.
“Well…not…” she paused. She looked really uncomfortable and ashamed. An alarm went off in my head.
“He raped you?” I asked, furious. She didn’t have to answer. The look on her face confirmed all I needed to know. “Son of a bitch,” I mumbled.
No one said anything. The hum of the fridge and the boys in the living room were the only sounds heard from any of us.
“Go ahead and continue,” Natalie said gently.
Casey remained silent.
“Case,” I said quietly, “finish.” Her composure cracked, and soon there were fat tears rolling down her cheeks. I wasn’t sure if it was Zac’s presence, the story itself and the memories, or a mixture of both, but I did the only thing I knew to do. I stood up and wrapped my arms around her and rubbed her back as Natalie went to the living room to grab a box of Kleenex. As Casey took one from Natalie and started wiping her eyes, I pulled my chair next to hers with my foot. As she started talking again, I stayed right beside her.
“He didn’t want another baby,” she took a deep breath. “He was pissed off and thought I planned it or something. I don’t know…but he drank more and became meaner. One night…he came home totally pissed off…and I didn’t do anything or say anything to him. He just…blew up. Thank God Chris was at my mom’s. But um…I lost the baby,” her voice cracked. She quickly started again though. “I hated myself for losing another one.”
“Zac’s…” Taylor whispered to himself, taking in all fo the information.
“Yea, we all caught that part, Taylor,” Zac snapped. He had made his way to sit on the counter and was now sitting on top of it with his hands pressed between the countertop and his thighs. Casey sat staring at the ceiling, fighting back tears.
“Zac,” Taylor said calmly. “I’m just trying to grasp all of this. I didn’t mean…”
“Just…don’t. Casey, finish.” He said it with such vexation that I was afraid Casey would take it the wrong way. He wasn't annoyed with her, he was annoyed with Taylor. She didn’t take it wrong however. She took a deep breath before continuing.
“After I lost…the first one, I kept telling myself I didn’t want to get pregnant ever again because I couldn’t take the chance of losing another one. I was scared to death with Chris, but when he came out okay, it raised my hopes. When I lost that one, I was crushed. I felt like life was over. I started thinking about everyone again, but I figured that too much time had passed. I didn’t want to bring any unwanted trouble. I left, mostly, on a good note and I didn’t want everyone to hate me.”
“That would never happen Case,” Natalie assured her. Taylor and I silently agreed.
“Well, Mike became better. He stopped drinking as much. Things improved with the three of us. He was taking Chris out to do things, and taking me to all kinds of different places. It reminded me of the beginning.” Casey smiled a little as she paused. “Then I got pregnant again. I knew he didn’t want another baby any more than he wanted another one the last time. So I hid it for three, almost four months. I was almost at four months, and he told me that I was starting to get fat and I needed to work on it.”
“What an asshole,” Natalie mumbled.
Casey smirked. “I told him I was pregnant, and things started going downhill again. He hated me. So I took Chris and left. I stayed with random people. I even went to Tulsa for a while, but I felt like I was imposing. I was also afraid he’d come to Tulsa looking for me.”
“So then you ended up here?” Taylor asked.
“Eventually. But I don’t plan on staying.”
“You have to,” I insisted.
“I can’t.”
“Did you ever call the cops on the bastard?” Zac asked Casey curtly.
“Don’t call him a bastard,” she said quietly, looking down at her hands.
“Don’t call him a bastard?” Zac asked incredulously. “Don’t tell me you still love this guy.”
“You know Zac,” she snapped, her eyes glued on his, “I’m not sure I know the meaning of love anymore, but I don’t need a lecture from you on whether I should love him or not.”
“You’re stupid,” he said plainly.
“Zac,” I warned, fearing the outcome of this argument.
“I’m stupid?” She responded quickly. “That man took care of me in ways you can't even comprehend. He made my life start again. And he gave me the best gift anyone has ever given me."
“And he took away another one.”
“Don't act like you're innocent,” she hissed.
“Mommy!” The room grew silent as Chris ran into the room smiling with Ezra close behind him. Casey quickly threw on a smile and held her arms out to him. Chris ran into her arms. “Ezra as a 'tar like daddy does!"
"He does?!" She asked, throwing in as much enthusiasm as Christian had. She looked at Ezra. "Where'd you get a guitar?"
"Uncle Isaac," he grinned.
Casey looked at me with amusement. "I should have known," she said.
"It's just a toy," I shrugged. "Wait until he's old enough for the real thing." She smirked and rolled her eyes at me.
"Wanna go play some more?" Ezra asked.
"Sure,” Christian said and followed his new friend out of the kitchen.
“No more running in the house,” Natalie called.
The smile stayed planted on Casey’s face, even after Chris had left the room.
“He's usually so shy,” Casey said, observing her son's behavior.
“You have to stay,” I smiled encouragingly. “I think they would agree.”
“I can’t stay,” she said sadly.
“We want you to stay,” Taylor told her.
“You guys…no. Absolutely not,” she argued. I wasn’t sure she was going to break down and stay until Zac opened his mouth to speak.
“If I ask you to stay, will you?” He asked.